My Last Confession
by xoBlueIvyox
Summary: Beastboy has disappeared for the past five years during an encounter with Slade. Raven believes it is her fault and the Titans seek to find Beastboy while Raven struggles with remembering what happened after the end of the battle. Love, angst, and romance (with a touch of lemon) will lead Beastboy and Raven down the path of self-destruction and repair.
1. Prologue

Alright guys, so I haven't written FanFiction in quite a while, so here's my first shot after a very long leave of absence. I know it's a little short for an introduction but I'll try to update frequently – I'm currently studying English literature so it should help my inspiration quite a bit. Let me know what you think (I'm a huge BBRAE fan)

R&R

3

The Titan Tower stood soaring above the small island, looming over the surrounding salt water. Where the rocks met the shore, a lone bird lay munching upon a freshly caught fish. The smell was drifting, decaying over the time that passed. Where the air once held amusement and enjoyment, there was now silence and a depression that covered the land. In the silence, a quiet incantation sang out from the pale lips of an even paler half-demon.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…" the lavender eyed woman whispered her chant. Her mind grew numb, shutting out all of the emotions that she could feel raging on from the other inhabitants, regardless of the sleep they surely were getting. She could feel the desperation, the anger, the turmoil, and the despair creeping past the crevices of their dreams. It pierced into her, breaking past her barrier which at one point stood so strong.

Raven was frozen in time. Frozen in memory. It had been five years. Five years without one of their most valuable members – at least so she thought. Five years since Beastboy had abandoned the Titans within the darkness of the night. Had abandoned her, leaving her alone. Five years…and it was all her fault.

 _-Flash Back-_

Robin had his eyes fixated on Slade – his obsession – with hand-to-hand combat completely drowning out the battle that raged on in the background. A black mass of shadows cloaked around the duo, a vain attempt on behalf of the sorceress to ensure the privacy and security of the two men; an assurance that no one would be able to attack her leader from behind.

 _'Safety is key to survival,'_ she thought to herself within the moment.

"Starfire, flank the right!" Cyborg's voice boomed across the field while his cannon blasted against a robotic drone. His eye was wild, his energy and fuel levels skyrocketing over the course of time. They were surrounded and he wasn't sure how they were still holding their own.

Emerald star bolts rained down upon the battlefield, showering the drones in Starfire's enigmatic flames. Her infamous battle cry sang past her lips, eyes focused upon the enemies which stood on the ground – lasers firing past their defenses. With each scream, another bolt flung out from her glowing hands.

Beastboy was off, shifting and changing from a big animal to a smaller lithe form. A rhino to a cheetah, dodging and weaving through the exploding bodies. His claws would connect with metallic eyes while his fangs would rip and pierce through robotic throats, ripping out the electric cords hidden within. His senses were alert, his ears pricking to the sudden impending danger that loomed nearby. The progressive danger that grew closer with every moment until it zoned in on the floating witchling dangling in the air above.

"Raven!" He roared, immediately changing his direction of course to head her way. A startling bolt of electricity flew into his side and penetrated the area below his ribcage. Still, Beastboy charged forwards, a feral and protective growl emanating from the green changeling. He pushed off from the ground, flinging himself at the young female.

One second Raven was suspended in the air, the next she was being engulfed by Beastboy's arms and body. It wasn't until that moment that she began to feel the increasing amounts of pain. A searing pain that spread throughout, starting in her side and shooting up her back, spine, head, and throat. Implanting itself within her. Choking her. Gasping for breath that just wouldn't come.

Smoke clouded over the two bodies, hands desperately pressing against Raven's body. Whispers that sounded like screams, "Look at me! Look at me! Are you okay? Hang in there!"

The only thing the other Titans could see was Slade making his great escape the very moment Raven's dome dropped from surrounding himself and Robin. At the sight of the clouded smoke, more of it began to swarm around the green and purple heroes. A cloud hovering in place, rising around the two tangled bodies. By the time the smoke cleared, both of the Titans were missing, leaving behind only the battered remnants of Beastboy's clothes.

 _-End of Flashback-_

Raven maintained her meditative pose, attempting to ransack her mind and memories to dig beneath the surface of what she could remember. After all of these years and time, Raven still couldn't fill in the blanks of what happened after the battle ended. She just knew…she remembered…when she woke up, she had Beastboy's communicator clutched within her hands. She had awoken on the forest floor, alone. She remembered wondering where he was and calling out his name.

The female had been found by the others, Beastboy's communicator having been tracked by Cyborg and Robin. She remembered being monitored for the next few weeks until her body had healed completely. The IV's that stuck out of her arms and the physical training Robin forced her to endure. She recalled everything the others felt. What _he_ had felt that day. What she had felt when he attempted to save her. The pain, the sadness, and the regret that he had left the team without so much of a word goodbye.

And after all of this time, they still attempted to find him. To trace his tracks and figure out where the green glob of happiness and light could have gone. And maybe Raven had taken it the worst. Because as she sat there shuddering into the night and lowering herself upon the grounded rooftop, she felt the frustration seeping into her body.

Frustration in the form of not knowing. Not being able to save the team. Not being able to be focused on that one night. Not waking up in time. Not knowing where he could have gone. Not knowing if she'd ever see him again.

But the worst part…the worst of it all was knowing she couldn't remember.

It was her fault.


	2. Chapter One

Wow, so I'm kinda excited that I've already gotten some reviews and favorites! So, I went ahead and typed up the first chapter and I'll try and get more typed up so that I'm ahead of the game. (No excuses to not post, right?) Anyway, I'll minimally do one post a week – I'll aim for once every other day but no promises. And if you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them.

R&R

3

Raven wasn't one for introductions, nor for going out in society and pretending like she was normal. Maybe it was due to her insecurities, or perhaps it might've been the fact she could hear every single one of their emotions screaming at her to turn around and walk away. But lately, she found herself wandering in the outskirts of town, doing her best to stay hidden beneath a slightly large black hoodie. One that smelled of the woods and a certain green creature that had long since disappeared. Raven found that, if she dared to do so, wandering alone at night helped her clear her head of everything that had happened throughout the years.

Last Christmas might've been the worst best holiday she had, had yet.

 _-Flash back-_

"Starfire, look what we got you for Christmas!" Robin had enthusiastically approached his girlfriend of three years. Next to his feet had been Silkie and in his hands he had held a replica of Tameran. The red headed, emerald eyed alien girl had shrieked with a bright smile on her face – forgetting about the "pudding of celebration" in the process.

Cyborg had promptly – and discreetly – shoved the food into a trashcan while Starfire had been distracted and began making their Christmas dinner. Raven on the other hand had sat there on the couch, as she had been for many months now, staring blankly into a book that she pretended to be reading.

"Oh, friend Raven! Did you see what boyfriend Robin has done?!" Her ecstasy from the present had Raven's attention captivated at once. How Starfire always managed to be so happy stunned the now woman.

Raven offered her a small smile, attempting to cheer up for her teammates. And she spent the evening in their company, doing little things to help around. She had gotten Cyborg some new gear for his newest car, Robin some ancient martial arts weaponry, and for Starfire she had simply promised her a "girls night out" to which Starfire immediately began planning much to the dismay of everyone in the room.

With the snow drifting through the city, the night was seemingly peaceful. It was quiet outside, no alerts had gone off. But everyone still stayed wary in case they were to be caught off guard. It wasn't until later that night when Cyborg had approached Raven's room and rapped upon her door did things begin to slant downhill.

"What is it Cy?" Came the quiet voice from within. The door opened, revealing a half-meditating Raven sitting on her bed, legs folded and hands placed lightly on her thighs. The feelings she could grasp from Cyborg troubled her. He seemed worried, antsy, almost like he was hiding something and was scared of how she's take it.

"Well, you see Raven, I didn't really get to give you your present yet. And I wanted to deliver it to you in person." Cyborg had shifted then, placing one hand behind his head and scratching at the hair that wasn't there. He let out a nervous laugh, holding forth something for Raven. "You uh, might want to open it when you're alone."

Raven had raised one eyebrow delicately, curiosity getting the best of her when she accepted the package from him. "Thank you." She whispered quietly, watching Cyborg's shoulders instantly relax from the tension he was feeling.

"Ah, yeah! No problem! Just uh, take care!" And he had darted out of her room, probably off to go play the video games Robin had gotten him or throw away the food Starfire did manage to make.

Raven had stared down at the package for a long time. She unwrapped it quizzically. Why would Cyborg act so weird? It wasn't until she opened it up and saw the picture that she suddenly understood why she'd react badly.

A light bulb exploded. A pillow ripped to shreds.

Little droplets of water began falling on the picture Raven had in her hands, the note attached to it falling to her lap.

It took her about twenty minutes before she was able to rip her gaze away from the frame. Another ten minutes to read and process the note. At the end of the night though, she was alone. Alone in her room, clinging onto the past and clinging onto the life she used to have.

 _-End Flash Back-_

Entering her room, Raven removed the hoodie she wore and folded it neatly on top of her desk. Her eyes gazed over the photograph next to her bed, and once more turned to the note tacked up on her wall. The note she read every single night since last Christmas.

Maybe she was torturing herself. Or maybe this was her hope, her possibility of Beastboy still existing. And if it was, she would hold onto that. Just like she still held onto his communicator each night when she was too afraid of the nightmares that would come.

And just like that night last Christmas, tonight was no different. Raven curled up in her bed, repeating those words on the wall to herself. Over and over again until they were branded within her memories.

 _Hey Rae,_

 _I know you're probably pissed off at Cy and I for all of our breakfast wars, so this Christmas we wanted to do something special for you! We won't argue, at all. How does that sound? We'll even give you an entire week to yourself that way you won't have to hear us arguing back and forth! I wanted to let you know how much we appreciate everything you've done for the team. And to show you how much we care, we kinda think you deserve a break. So, we're going to give you one! Oh and don't be mad about the picture! Cy snuck it in while we weren't watching and he thought it'd be a nice touch._

 _Well, Merry Christmas!_

 _Love,_

 _BB_

And like every night, Raven turned over and stared at the picture frame. She couldn't remember when that picture was taken. But she could feel the warmth emitting from it. The smile on her face, on his face, while he held her in his arms.


	3. Chapter Two

A/N – Some of you may get a bit upset by some of the details in this chapter, but I promise things will click together throughout the story. The missing blanks will be filled eventually. Also, some of this will not necessarily follow what happened in the show. Such as the Beast V.S Adonis. In this little ficlet, that never happened. I want to explore how Beastboy could progress with the discovery of his own inner demon.

Not my best story, but I really just wanted to get something written up for yall. I had the Halloween chapter written, I just wanted to post it on Halloween

R&R

3

 _-Within the depths of despair I hear your voice calling out my name-_

Garfield Mark Logan was not one for disappearing in the middle of the night. He also wasn't one to wake up in the middle of the night not recalling anything that happened. But after searching for answers for the past five years, he couldn't really remember anything that happened that night so long ago. He recalled the fight. The feeling of dread that flooded through his tortured soul when he heard the impact of a bullet inserting itself within Raven's body. The feeling of rage that coursed through the green changeling. The vibrations coursing through his body.

He was scared. Oh he was so scared. Scared of what he would do. Scared of what he was becoming. Of the voice speaking within his mind, growling protectively, laying claim to the grey beauty that was suddenly – and much to his surprise – laying within his arms. And then he was off. Gone.

Garfield remembered waking up that night on the ground. The feel of Raven's body pressed flush against his own. He remembered seeing all of the blood, the tattered and ragged clothing. He remembered breathing heavily as if a nightmare had just plagued him and overcame all other senses the boy might've had. He remembered panicking.

Where were they? Where were the others? What happened?

All questions the boy couldn't answer. And yet, that voice in the back of his mind was like a knock on his memory. He knew. But yet…he didn't. He had risen cautiously. The need to protect overcoming his senses. And yet, he found himself staring at Raven's face. Memorizing the lines, the fragrance emitting from her. The blood the pooled around her – the blood that left him shaking in his place. How could he help her?

He tried waking the sleeping demoness. Knowing if he did, she could self-heal. But nothing he did would wake her. Not even shaking her – as gently as he did. Speaking her name. Nothing. Yet, her pulse could still be felt. He could still hear it ricocheting throughout his ears. What Garfield couldn't remember was what had caused the long, jagged claw marks that took shape from her shoulder blade to her lower back. But he had a pretty good idea of what did.

Beastboy had left that night, a feeling of horror flooding his soul. He knew, somehow, that those marks were from him. Some deeper primal part of him that he couldn't explain. That he didn't even know had existed until now.

It had been five long years since he had last seen his friends. He hadn't spent much time with anyone, to be frank. He had lost all connection with the Doom Patrol, the Teen Titans, and with his 'fan base'. Instead, he had taken to learning parts of himself. Learning about who he was, where he came from. And for that to happen, he had to revisit the jungle of his past. Visiting the burial site of his parents and hoping against hope, that he would find answers to his questions.

Who was Garfield Mark Logan? He wanted to know.

He spent three years in the West African jungle – studying the inhabitants. Studying the creature that his father had turned him into. He spent another year tracking down Nicholas Galtry – the man who took care of him after his parents' passing. He wasn't sure why he was interested in the man who had wanted him dead. Perhaps it was to answer questions about himself. If he was capable of forgiving the man. If he was capable of letting go of his past. But the man turned up no results.

It took the last year for him to readjust to society. In that time period, he stayed at the house in California which originally belonged to his parents. A place he swore to never visit, but knew he had to if he wanted to find out anything about himself other than what he already knew.

The first day had been the hardest. Waking up on the couch after hours of screaming and ripping through the furniture. Ripping down wall paper. He felt like an animal caged in this house. But he knew, if he could do this, he could do anything. If he could forgive himself for not saving them, he could do whatever he wanted to do from there on out.

And so, with each new day Garfield tore through the house – collecting objects that he deemed important and finding a way that they contributed to his life. All the while, that voice growling in the back of his mind. _**"How long are you willing to stay away…"**_

If he was honest with himself, he didn't know. So he focused. Each day brought a new joy to his life. Whether it was cleaning his mom's closet, wearing his father's suits, or taking a dive in the courtyard pool. He hadn't hired anyone. He hadn't the mind to do so. He did it all himself, occasionally stopping by the bank to make a discreet withdrawal for grocery shopping. And Garfield found that he enjoyed this life. The simple life. But he also realized, very quickly, that something was missing.

A loneliness was settling within the pit of his stomach. He was feeling down more often than the distractions could prevent. He felt lost, but completely normal. Normal, what even was that? He was a green mutilated creature of darkness that destroyed those he cared about. Annoyed those he loved. His friends. Starfire. Cyborg. Robin. Raven.

A repetition of those names were his saving grace. Kept him sane. Kept his memories intact while he tried to focus on finding himself. He felt, at times, that he was searching in all of the wrong places. That this wasn't where he belonged. And that voice in the back of his mind couldn't agree more.

" _ **We belong with the others."**_ The voice would bellow within his mind. _**"We belong near the one we desire."**_ And Garfield would question who the creature was talking about. What he should even call his inner hell hound.

It took three months of hounding for Beastboy to finally give in. He was tired of the running around. Tired of the dancing, the late night galas that he was invited to on occasion. Tired of the lack of company, the empty home. But he was scared. He was nervous. He was so horrified at the idea of returning to the Titan Tower.

What if they found out? What if he couldn't fix what he had broken? What if they had already replaced him? After all, he'd been gone for a long time without so much of a word.

What ifs plagued him. Until he saw the news announcement air over the television where the mayor of Jump City stood on a platform with Starfire and Robin by his side.

"Today I am proud to announce, as the mayor of Jump City, to the State of California that the Teen Titans have decided to host their annual Halloween Blast at the Whispering Rose private estate. Although the party itself will be a strict 'hero' event, any and all guests are welcome to come prior to the party for autographs, photography, and outdoor festivities. And here, we have our very own Starfire and Robin to fill us in on any questions or concerns you might have!" The old man stepped down from the podium. Garfield had to chuckle to himself when Robin had taken a step forward just to be tossed back by Starfire.

"Friends! We are all very excited at the change in times! Our fellow Titans have decided that again this year we will host our event in hopes to bring back much joy and activity within our family! We all mourn the loss of our good friend Beastboy, but with much pleasure we will be throwing our annual mixer and hope to see you all there!" She stopped for a second to catch her breath. "And of course all must come in costumes of the scary! It is the Saturday of this week!"

Unfortunately, Starfire did not leave any time for anyone to ask any questions. The moment the words tumbled from her lips, she had gathered Robin's hand and taken off. She had yelled something about having to go find a new costume for the party this year and another something about dancing being involved so Robin must go take classes. It left Garfield laughing, until he saw the cloaked shadow standing beside a gargantuan robotic figure hidden in the background behind the mayor.

"Wouldn't showing up be a nice surprise?" He asked himself almost solemnly.

Yeah…nice surprise indeed.


	4. Chapter Three

A/N – Well...I'm sorry. I don't really have a good reason to have not posted yet, other than extreme writers block. I had the entire chapter typed and the power cut out. And after that I just really didn't want to retype it. But...let's give this a go and see how the story plays out. This is going to have more description than anything, so bare with me. The other chapters will have more plot, speech, and less blah blah blah. Thanks for the ones that are sticking with the story. xoxo

R&R

3

 _-Within the depths of despair I hear your voice calling out my name-_

The Whispering Rose estate was not something easily compared to. On Halloween evening, the fog had settled in over the cobble stone pathway and had created a thick mist that foamed around the edges of the hedges, curling itself around the dimly lit trees. Jack-o-lanterns hung from the white and brown branches, hanging themselves with mournful expressions. The horses in the meadows grazed upon grass that seemed too green for the darkening sky. Above one could not even see the stars that shone so bright. The full moon loomed overhead outshining the other luminescent decorations.

A certain cyborg had programmed the loudspeakers to play horror music. The quiet sounds of screaming filled the air attempting vainly to drown out the yells and cheers from onlookers that stood at the gates to the estate attempting to get a glimpse of the arriving heroes dressed in disguise. Some were able to slip past the guards, finding themselves lost upon the estate and wondering where the party would be held. Others were simply allowed entry, because really...this was a party for everyone. No matter what the announcement initially said.

The gates were decorated with Halloween spirits, the iron bars were frosted white, chilled to the touch. The bells tolled back and forth creating an eerie echo that bounced off of the pavement. Should one follow the grand entry pathway, they were lead by the thousands of trees that stood with cobwebs entwined within the branches. Swiveling passed the park where the horses stood amazed, people could see the two different cottages off in the distance. One was occupied by Starfire and Raven. The other was occupied by Robin and Cyborg. The four titans split up within the two different areas designating one for the females and one for the males to prepare themselves for the party.

The main event held itself in front of the barn where music filled the air and lights decorated the atmosphere. Tables were set up with 800 chairs. There was space to dance, space for a stage where people could make announcements or sing. And Titans from all over the place gathered around. Some of them were surprised by the faces behind the masks. Others were shocked at the choice of costume. Some men had their eyebrows raised at the scantily clad females and then some were too busy engorging themselves at the food tables.

"Titans from all around, guests and citizens of Jump City, we welcome you to our annual Halloween party!" Robin's voice boomed over the microphone as he appeared in a cloud of smoke up on the stage wearing a tuxedo with his hair slicked back. With a mask covering his eyes as usual, he was donned to appear as the infamous phantom. To his side stood the red headed Tameranean wearing a scanty red imp uniform. A bright red high neck sleeveless leotard covered her torso and matching bright red thigh high boots covered her legs. Over the elbow red gloves covered her arms and a set of imp horns donned her head. The little pointy tail curling out of the back of the leotard completed the outfit. Safe to say...she received more than just a few cat calls and whistles from those in the crowd.

"Friends, we welcome you and wish that you enjoy yourselves upon this most glorious evening! There is food for everyone and music and dance!" Starfire's enthusiasm lit up the air as she grasped onto Robin's hand and yanked him to the dance floor off of the stage. Loud clapping and cheers burst throughout the air.

Cyborg stood at the DJ stand playing the music and switching out tracks. He wore a wannabe Darth Vader costume and made sure to breathe as heavily as possible on a certain pink pigtailed female that kept coming his way. The question of the evening though was...where's Raven?

xxx

Raven stood looking in the mirror inside of the females cottage. Her shaking snow white hand reached out, running deep blue fingernails through crystal white hair. Her eyes reflected back to her, no longer violet pools but moreso concentrated twin icicles. The glitter around her eyelids reflected underneath the dim glow of the lighting above. Her face, her necks, her arms, her hands...everything about her was white as a ghost. Her lips were that same blue, matching her nails, eyes, and eyebrows. She felt like a porcelain doll. Breakable by nature. The sweetheart dress that pooled around her sides was white as could be with blue glitter trailing along the edges. She had grown so much. Her bust now appeared shapely. Her hips accentuated. She felt almost graceful, if not for the damnable heels Starfire had dressed her in - the blue tainted glass rubbing her skin raw. She was the lady of sorrow. The queen of the fae. A fantasy creature that made her feel slightly empowered. Yet she yearned to be hidden. Yearned for something unknown that hovered in the darkness away from the crowd. She took a deep breath to steady herself...

"Azarath...Metrion...Zenthos..." Her voice wavered beneath the facade she wore. With a trembling hand, she twisted the door knob and stepped out into the October cold.

xxx

In the shadows of the barn, standing off by himself in a corner, was the headless horseman leaning oh so casually against the wooden frame of the building. Emerald eyes glanced out precariously into the lighting. They frequently roamed towards the doorway, the floorboards, the ceiling, looking for someone. Looking for the entrance of the enchantress.

Garfield had come tonight hoping to see her. Knowing if he did, and if she was happy, he could leave without regret. He needed to know she was okay though. Some primal side of him was egging him to be near her. Requiring him to at least touch her. To know. To see. To feel. _Raven._ His throat became tight with the thought of her. Did she even remember him?

His green skin was covered from head to toe with the black attire. he black gloves. The black riding crop. The black and red leather uniform that clung to his broad shoulders, accentuating the now there abs that previously were nonexistent. The satchel he held around his waist. The collar that came up around his face to keep him hidden from the naked eye. So far, he hadn't been noticed.

His attention was suddenly drawn to the doorway where several heads had turned. Before him stood a ghost of his past. A riveting creature who's too pale cheeks now flushed from the attention being placed upon her figure. Several people zoned in on Raven's form as she entered the room. Her neck flushed, cheeks blushing a crimson color. Her hands shook, but only Garfield was able to notice that. Only he took in how nervous she truly was. Several people made way to her, only to be stopped in their tracks by her deadly cold gaze that settled upon each and every one of them. He held his place, barely breathing for fear she would detect him. He couldn't take his eyes off of her, too focused to realize how clammy his skin had become. How desperately he wanted to go to her.

 **"This is our chance."** His inner beast ground out. **"She is here. We should go to her before the others ruin our chance."** But still, not a move did he make. Not until her eyes zeroed in on his hidden form. And even then, the movement was to solely move out of the barn and towards the mountainy terrain outside and football fields away.


	5. Chapter Four

A/N – Thank you for the awesome reviews ^^ It's kinda fun to look and see how you have readers from all over the globe. This one's a little bit shorter, but I wanted to go ahead and post it before school gets the best of me.

R&R

3

 _-Within the depths of despair I hear your voice calling out my name-_

Garfield's heart thudded eratically, his breath coming out in short and clumsy gasps. He couldn't believe he had been so chicken. He just left! Wasn't the plan to talk to her? To see her? To touch her? Anything at all?! And yet he had run away from his opportunity to do so. The numbing sensation flooded his body when he realized she had looked at him. Did she realize who he was? Did her powers give away his facade? All of these questions that he demanded to have answered yet knew in the back of his mind could only be done so by one person. Hunched over and leaning against a tree, his eyes gazed over to the horses grazing in the fields below.

"God help me..." He whispered solely to himself. He had been so foolish in coming here tonight. The urge he felt to return home, to return to the safety of the Titan Tower was overwhelming. He just wanted to be near them. His friends, his family. The knot in his throat made his words run dry, thinking of how easy it would be to just walk back into their lives.

Garfield was so busy with his internal thoughts that it hadn't even registered in his mind that she might have followed him. It didn't even register in his animalistic instincts that branches were breaking and the sound of leaves being crushed under the soles of heeled feet were growing louder and louder with each passing moment as her presence drew near. It didnt register to him until she was standing next to the water fountain upon the vista and he heard a name being spoken from those powdery blue lips.

"Beastboy?" She called softly.

xxx

Raven's emotions were a rampage. First she had entered, registering all of the desire eminating off of the people. She registered envy shooting off of women. She noticed the eyes that turned her way. And then she settled upon the loneliness and desperation creeping past her barricade that drifted out from the corner of the barn. Her eyes had focused upon that figure, a sense of familiarity rushing over her. Her flushed cheeks turning a ghastly white as it dawned on her the sheer possibility.

'No.' She had told herself. After how many years of searching? No, it wasn't him. 'He's dead you silly girl...' and bitterness krept inside of her soul.

She watched him shoot out, and without word to the people attempting to speak to her - without word to Starfire or Robin who's gazes became uterly confused, the empath was out the door and sneaking after him.

At first she had been relieved to hear his voice floating through the night. Then she had been angry. Then relief once more. But above all else, the hurt settled within the pit of her stomach. The hurt that he had just abandoned the team. That they had thought he was gone after all of those years. The hurt and bitterness that coursed throughout her body leaving timid dashing for cover and sadness blossoming within her mind.

"It's you...isn't it?" Her voice came out stronger this time, no longer a whisper. Her shaking hands wanted to reach out, but they stayed put. Her eyes didn't dare betray the emotions she felt, although he could easily hear it within her voice. Raven took another step forward, and then another, until she was side by side with the concrete water fountain, staring at the grown man in front of her.

Garfield didn't know how to answer her. His throat was parched, his eyes ablaze from the feelings raging inside of him. His inner beast screamed to be unleashed, chastising him for taking too long to reply. He had heard her voice. He could hear her sadness, the depression emanating off of her body entwining itself with his own. The green man shuddered with the wind, turning around to face her and lowering his collar just enough for his face to poke through within the night.

"I don't go by Beastboy anymore..." It was hard for him to talk, and he felt like an idiot for saying just those few words. She deserved more than that, didn't she?

Her eyes blazed with anger at his simple reply. "Really? Is that so? None of us would've known considering we all assumed you were dead." Raven's voice was piercingly cold to match perfectly with the outside air. Her anger radiated to the point the lightbulbs overhead began to crack and explode, black magic piercing through each and every one of them.

It suddenly felt very dark...

"Raven...I-"

"You know we looked for you right?" Her voice was shaking now. "We looked for you every day. For years." Raven took another step towards him. Her eyes were glowing, her hands were shaking. Her entire body shook from the sudden onslaught of rage. "You left me."

Garfield didn't know what to say to that. Everything he wanted to tell her was stuck. He didn't know what to do. What to say to make things right, if that was even possible at this point.

"What? Have you nothing to say for yourself?" Raven's hands slid to her waist, cocking her hips to the side while she approached him until she was right in front of him. She could practically hear his pulse beat. She could hear the adrenaline pumping through his veins. Her confidence faltered for a moment, assessing how much he had changed now that she could see him clearly.

Time had done good to the both of them. And that scared her. That scared him.


	6. Chapter Five

A/N – So my wonderful readers, I'm not exactly sure where this story is going to go. My original idea got tossed out the window when my inspiration died for those short few months. If you have any suggestions, thoughts, or really want to see something happen, send me a PM or write it in a review (I do read them all). I look forward to hearing your thoughts and opinions. This chapter might be god awful. Just as a prewarning…

R&R

3

- _Within the depths of despair I hear your voice calling out my name-_

Raven's lip drew between her teeth, biting down hard trying not to let her emotions get the best of her. He had just shown up out of the blue and all he could say is his name had changed? They were surrounded in darkness now, the only light shining upon them was that which emanated from the stars up above. Her chest thudded erratically and his keen ears picked up on it, that along with the nervousness that cloaked her normally stony features. The green changeling knew not what to do. On one hand, he really wanted to apologize for his absence. He wanted to set things right, to wipe away her sorrows. On the other hand, he really wanted to run. To go back into hiding.

And damn it all to hell if he didn't want to just kiss her right then and there. His arm snaked around her waist, quickly hoisting her body against his. His breath started spluttering, his eyes zoning in on hers. His descent into hell was quick, the bittersweet flavor of lavender and tea coating his lips as they crashed upon the abnormally colored pair of Raven's.

Raven's body instantly stiffened, an overwhelming bout of confusion settling in the pit of her stomach as her lips responded to his in a moment of desperation and agonizing relief. Her eyes melded close, if only for the moment, her hands drifting to his hair and grasping it in emerald tufts. Both of their breaths hitched in the back of their throats, the heat transpiring between the two enough to ward off winter's chill. His musky scent brought to her a peace of mind that he was indeed here, and then it seemed to don upon her what was truly transpiring, ripping herself from his grasp.

"I hate you." The words sounded past her lips before she could stop them. The salty water seemed to build within her eyes, gathering within the corners and slipping down her pale cheeks. The too heavily applied makeup smearing in the watery trail.

Garfield flinched. At first he had been surprised that she responded to his kiss. And then he was feeling everything she had felt. He wanted to hold onto her and never let go of her delicate figure. He wanted to keep her warmth in his arms. But now, hearing those words trail out of her lips, he couldn't prevent the sting that took place within his chest.

"I had to leave." His voice came out in a whisper, a hand gently raising to cup her cheek. He didn't even withdraw when her glare snapped in his direction. He didn't withdraw when she flinched from his touch as if he were to burn her.

When her lips parted to speak, the green one was quick to interrupt, shushing her attempts to override him and to throw even more accusations his way. One finger quickly found its way to her lips, silencing her with his pleading gaze. "I know this may be difficult for you to understand, but I had to leave. I didn't want to hurt anyone, especially the way that I have. But I was afraid of hurting you. I couldn't control what happened that night, and there's still some pieces missing. You have to believe me."

Raven felt confliction rise beneath her hooded gaze. The bitterness within her settled low and she tried not to let her emotions rise again as they had so often tonight. What was he doing to her? How could he make her feel so much after being gone for so long? She could hear the sincerity in his voice, and she could feel his desperate plea for her to forgive him hiding in his eyes, but she felt herself retracting into herself, unable to feel the trust their previous friendship had before his disappearing act.

"Don't touch me…" Her voice came out soft, almost broken sounding if that were possible for someone like her. And it killed him to hear that resolution in her voice. Her chin jerked away from his hand, her body turning away from his. And if Beastboy had ever known what the word listening meant, he still to this day never showed it.

His warm hand enclosed itself around her miniscule wrist, pulling her back towards him. And his arms wrapped around her in an embrace, his attempt to both hug her and restrain her from leaving.

"Please don't go." His words whispered within her ear sending shivers tingling up and down her spine. Words she so badly wanted to have been able to say to him all those years ago.

Raven's legs felt weak. They felt like jello, crumbling beneath her body weight. And her hands latched onto his tone arms, keeping herself in a position to stand. She wanted to blast him with her energy. She wanted to hurt him as badly as he had hurt the team. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. And that moment might have been perfect. It might have been their saving grace. The moment where her eyes caught ahold of his, the blush filling her cheeks with color. The moment when she almost leaned in to kiss him, and she could feel his muscles rippling with a primal need hidden beneath his gaze. It might have been the perfect moment for them to reconcile their past, had the gate not swung open to reveal the other three titans.

"When were you going to tell us?" Robin's voice shook with rage. And rage he had every right to feel. His emotions slipped past him, smacking against Raven's empathetic abilities like a freight train. She could feel Starfire's happiness, Cyborg's confusion and disapproval, and Robin's uncontrollable anger. She could feel it all and she could feel the room spin.

"Let me explain…" Garfield had started to say. But his voice was drifting. His arms tightening and constricting themselves around the empath's body.

In that moment, the both of them felt rather small. And Raven felt herself slipping further into his embrace, further away from the angry glares of Robin and Cyborg. Away from the teary eyed green eyed Starfire. Shying away from the possibility of their anger. Shying away from the pressure she suddenly felt building in her chest. Cringing into his form and away from it all. Away from them and into the safety of his arms.


End file.
